


Pink

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Smallville
Genre: April Fools' Day, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Lex pranks Bruce.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Livejournal 4-1-06.

“Pink.” Bruce stared at his beloved Batmobile, which was now recognizable only from the body work.

“You don’t like it?” Lex smirked back at him, that damnable smirk that Bruce never knew if he wanted to kiss or hit.

“You painted. My Batmobile. Pink.”

“With yellow accents.”

Lex was a dead man. “It’s vandalism. I could have you arrested.”

“But you won’t. I mean, what would the headlines say? Batman sues Luthor over paint prank?” Lex leaned casually on the hood. The pink hood. Very pink.

“Better that than ‘Luthor found strangled to death in the Batcave.’” Bruce crossed his arms over his chest.

“You wouldn’t even move me elsewhere? I’m deeply hurt.”

“Not as hurt as you’re going to be if you don’t paint it back.”

“But it looks kind of nice. I mean, it’s like the Batmobile Barbie would drive.” Bruce felt his face twitch as he glared harder. “Fine, fine. We’re just fooling, Bruce. It’s the first of April, after all.” Lex held his hands out in some controlled form of surrender.

“ _We?_ ” If he had someone else help…

“Dick and I. He was happy to help.”

“You made my ward help you vandalize the most expensive car I have.” Which was really saying a lot, considering his civilian garage. Lex was the deadest man to ever enter the Batcave.

“He wanted to.”

“I doubt that. Dick is precocious in a lot of ways, but he does not have a death wish. Unlike you.” Bruce felt his face twitch again.

Lex crossed his arms over his chest to somewhat mimic Bruce’s pose. “Relax, Bruce.”

“I’m going to maim you. Slowly. I have good toys for it.” Bruce was just getting angrier and angrier; not only did he have to punish Lex, he’d have to teach Dick that pranks weren’t funny. He moved to hover menacingly over Lex.

Lex seemed to realize that Bruce wasn’t getting the joke, and he relented. “Alright, Bruce. You win. We’ll fix it. Dick? Go ahead.”

Bruce turned and watched as his young ward wheeled in the Batmobile. His _real_ Batmobile. Bruce stared, not yet sure what he was seeing. “What is this?”

“The pink one is just a shell. That’s the joke.”

“I’m still going to maim you.” Bruce relaxed. Slightly. “You really had me going.”

“I miss those days at Excelsior, you always trying to one-up my pranks.”

“Your so-called pranks weren’t funny then, either.” Bruce remembered salt in his milk, ants in his desk, Lex drugging him so he woke up with only one eyebrow…

Dick trotted over to them, wearing a too-big sweatshirt that used to belong to Bruce. “Happy April Fool’s day, Bruce!” The kid had the greatest grin. Too bad it took _Lex_ of all people to make it appear.

“Thank you, Dick. Remind me next year to pull one over on Lex.”

Dick grinned some more, and then he and Lex removed the pink monstrosity, which Bruce could now see was just a shell. He’d been too shocked and angry before to see it properly. He owed Lex, big time, and turned away from his old friend and new ward to smile. 

He hoped having Alfred remove the tires from Lex’s Ferrari early that morning and canceling his phone service would suffice for now.


End file.
